Under a government that convinced or compelled more and more of its citizens to march to the same dark tune, members of a church that exalted the concept of freedom of choice (moral agency) were bound to feel at odds with the party line.
I have a different criticism than your peers, Jonathon: it's a bit side-comment heavy. Take out some of the "or" statements and the parenthetical, and it'd be a lot more clean. Here's what I'd suggest:
Under a government that compelled more and more of its citizens to march to the same dark tune, members of a church that exalted the concept of moral agency were bound to feel at odds with the party line.I might add the qualifier 'Nazi' to 'party line' to clarify the issues rivka and dkw mentioned.
Where/how do you draw the line between editing and re-writing? What do you when you're pretty sure you could write the paper/chapter/book better but that's not really your job? Or how do you deal with the frustration of knowing that you could do it better but that that's not your job?
I think Jonathon gave a great answer. I copy-edit for IGMS, and I take the same attitude as he does. Generally, by the time it gets to me, we don't have any time for changes anyway.