Author Topic: The joys of corporate writing (Read 9704 times)

Jonathon · « **on:** July 22, 2005, 02:25:03 PM »

"Product cost, solution flexibility and a need to better understand business needs as hi-impact influencers, all translate into a need to better define and have sales team be more able to communicate the Microsoft “economic value proposition.” Prior to more sales education should come new selling resource tools, alignment of correct selling resources and a change in selling approach and strategy. Value must be made an effective competitive advantage."

If you can find something more difficult to read and confusing, post it here. Let's see how unintelligible we can get.

rivka · « **Reply #1 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:37:53 PM »

Are excerpts from a high school student handbook fair game? Because I had a doozy yesterday . . .

Jonathon · « **Reply #2 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:39:43 PM »

Sure, why not? I think any professional, published stuff should be fair game.

rivka · « **Reply #3 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:44:46 PM »

Published? Well, when it's all done, I'll be making 100+ copies and sticking them all in binder-folders . . .

Let me see if I can find the offending paragraph.

rivka · « **Reply #4 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:46:58 PM »

Ok, not so much confusing as a ridiculously run-on monster:

Quote

The purpose of discipline is to promote general pupil development, to increase respect for authority, to assist the growth of spiritual motives for self-discipline, to provide a classroom situation conducive to learning, to encourage individual growth, and to produce productive members of society.

And I'm really fond of the repetitive final phrase.

Jonathon · « **Reply #5 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:48:23 PM »

Are handbooks not published?

I just meant that if we open it up to include any writing, then it'll become too easy.

Jonathon · « **Reply #6 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:49:37 PM »

That wouldn't be that bad if it were done in a vertical list.

rivka · « **Reply #7 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:49:52 PM »

Quote

Are handbooks not published?

I just meant that if we open it up to include any writing, then it'll become too easy.

Probably depends on the size of the school. With about 100 students, it's far cheaper for us to xerox, punch, and stick 'em in folders.

Which is a step up from "binding" them with staples, as we've done in previous years.

rivka · « **Reply #8 on:** July 22, 2005, 02:53:20 PM »

Quote

That wouldn't be that bad if it were done in a vertical list.

NO! This document is already CRAMMED with vertical lists! And they're not even consistent -- some are numbered, and some get little ?s.

All I was asked to do was type it. I corrected the truly egregious stuff, and my boss will likely edit it to a somewhat better state. But I'd love it if they just set me loose on it.

Not gonna happen, though.

Doorknob · « **Reply #9 on:** July 25, 2005, 08:00:50 AM »

A sample from my actual work review. (I got screwed on it)

Quote

Planning:
Priortizes and plans work activities 2- Needs Improvement
Uses time efficently 2-Needs Improvment
Plans for Additional Resources 2- Needs Improvement
Integrates changes smoothly 2-Needs Improvement
Sets goals and objectives 2- Needs Improvement
Works in an organized manner 2-Needs Improvement

Ok.. now the verbage... I figured I didn't have to grammar correct a crappy review.

Quote

Anna generally plans and prioritizes well. She usually integrates changes smoothly into existing plans. However she could make more efficent use of her time through better planning and organization. Anna sometimes does not plan well enough for additional resources. Further, she does not always set effective goals and objectives for herself. There would be fewer inefficencies if her work was better organized. Anna needs to establish priorities based on the fluctuating requirements of the department. Anna integrates changes smoothly into existing plans. However she would be more effective if she prioritized and planned her work better. Anna could make more efficent use of her time through better planning and . Also she sometimes dones not plan well enough for additional resources. Addtionally, she does not always set effective goals and objectives for herself. There would be fewer inefficiencs if her work was better organized. It should be noted that Anna's overal performance has been comprimised in comparison to her review scores last review period. Anna has recieved formal counselling to direct attention to those job responsibilities that require improvement. She recognizes this as a positive means of corrective action and has been progressing at an acceptable level.

Have fun...

AJ

Jonathon · « **Reply #10 on:** July 25, 2005, 08:22:58 AM »

Wait—so that's what your boss wrote? And he's criticizing you for inefficiency and poor planning?

Doorknob · « **Reply #11 on:** July 25, 2005, 08:26:54 AM »

precisely

Lady Montagu · « **Reply #12 on:** July 25, 2005, 08:32:26 AM »

Banna, that so sucks.

I'm sorry he's in a position to give you any evaluation at all.

Jonathon · « **Reply #13 on:** July 25, 2005, 08:40:40 AM »

Well, hopefully, whoever reads that review will recognize the beautiful irony of it.

Doorknob · « **Reply #14 on:** July 25, 2005, 09:26:10 AM »

yeah.... It's weird that the crappy grammar is pissing me off as much as anything. Basically if he was going to ding me, he should do a good job of it. But if that is supposed to be "constructive criticism" the world is doomed.

AJ

Brinestone · « **Reply #15 on:** August 19, 2005, 10:33:51 AM »

The stuff I've been reading lately is internal corporation stuff, which I'm guessing means they didn't see the point of having it edited. So I'm getting lovely sentences like this one:

Quote

The paying bank to determine which of their accounts the funds need to be drawn from uses this information.

If I dropped a hint that I could proofread and clean up this document so it's readable in just a few days, do you think the company would bite?

Jonathon · « **Reply #16 on:** August 19, 2005, 10:35:25 AM »

Maybe. What's the worst that could happen?

pooka · « **Reply #17 on:** August 19, 2005, 11:34:30 AM »

"do you think the company would bite?"

Yes. The company bites.

Icarus · « **Reply #18 on:** August 19, 2005, 04:10:59 PM »

(((AJ)))

Have you gotten a new job yet?

scottneb · « **Reply #19 on:** August 25, 2005, 07:28:28 PM »

Quote

What is the tendency know as for a poor risk to seek out insurance coverage more than an average risks?

It may be that I've been studying for eight hours straight, but this seems odd.

Jonathon · « **Reply #20 on:** August 29, 2005, 03:55:32 PM »

I came across this gem while looking for a definition of drill down:

Quote

Drill-down menus make interaction more difficult, destroy the user's overview, and poor wording make users give up using the site.

Brinestone · « **Reply #21 on:** September 01, 2005, 08:04:08 AM »

Quote

Due to a variety of factors, to include not all USB ports on some computers being USB 2.0 (particularly front ports), motherboard chipset drivers and Windows USB host controller drivers needing updating, USB devices conflicting with each other, and the way some manufacturers of USB devices don’t assign USB serial numbers to their devices (or will assign the same number to all devices of the same type/model instead of assigning a unique number to each individual device), Windows may have trouble properly detecting and/or properly installing the drivers for the LS100/3 scanners.

To be fair, this is from an email. Can anyone figure out what it's saying?

Jonathon · « **Reply #22 on:** September 01, 2005, 08:08:12 AM »

Quote

Quote
Due to a variety of factors, to include not all USB ports on some computers being USB 2.0 (particularly front ports), motherboard chipset drivers and Windows USB host controller drivers needing updating, USB devices conflicting with each other, and the way some manufacturers of USB devices don’t assign USB serial numbers to their devices (or will assign the same number to all devices of the same type/model instead of assigning a unique number to each individual device), Windows may have trouble properly detecting and/or properly installing the drivers for the LS100/3 scanners.

To be fair, this is from an email. Can anyone figure out what it's saying?

For a variety of reasons, Windows may have trouble properly detecting or installing the drivers for the LS100/3 scanners. These reasons may include the following: not all USB ports on some computers are USB 2.0 (particularly front ports); motherboard chipset drivers and Windows USB host controller drivers may need updating; USB devices may conflict with each other; and some manufacturers of USB devices don’t assign USB serial numbers to their devices (or will assign the same number to all devices of the same type/model instead of assigning a unique number to each individual device).

Does that make more sense?

Brinestone · « **Reply #23 on:** September 01, 2005, 08:13:27 AM »

Yeah, I kind of did that in my head. Not exactly that edit, but close. It might even benefit from being made into a bulleted list. But holy cow.

Jonathon · « **Reply #24 on:** September 07, 2005, 03:05:31 PM »

This interview is making my brain hurt:

Quote

They seem to be…I mean, for certain business models it may work. So they have to decide what they want. I mean, they are a very structured organization, very process oriented, and for certain types of…you know, if, as a client, that is what you want…We are not one of those clients.

I guarantee that it makes just as much sense to all of you as it does to me.