Quotes from work

[Jonathon]

This is on our intranet page right now:

If a lack of sleep is keeping you up at night, read on for information and resources to help you get your zzz's.

As a matter of fact, a lack of sleep IS keeping me up at night!

[Tante Shvester]

A lack of sleep not only keeps me up at night, it keeps me up during the daytime as well.  But as much as I would like more zzz's, what I would prefer are qqq's because then I could win at the alphabet game on car rides.

[Jonathon]

I'm editing a short piece on computer literacy for people who work at Deseret Industries stores. It includes a link to this site (and quotes from it without attribution, of course). Judging from its companion page on the WorldWideWeb (WWW), I'd say it has to be at least 17 years old. It references Windows 95 and the Mosaic browser, which was discontinued in 1997.

[dkw]

Please tell me they didn't include the part about what you see on the front of "the box" including the floppy disc drive.

[Jonathon]

No, they quoted the bullet points at the end, including the one about using a modem.

[dkw]

Heh.  I remember the first time we used a modem to call another computer. We called the other family on the phone first to set it up so they'd have their computer on and ready. Then we hung up the phone and typed to each other.

[pooka]

I like the scare apostrophes.
There's a missing 'carriage return' in the list of peripherals, combining printers and AV.

[Nighthawk]

I'm editing a short piece on computer literacy for people who work at Deseret Industries stores. It includes a link to this site (and quotes from it without attribution, of course). Judging from its companion page on the WorldWideWeb (WWW), I'd say it has to be at least 17 years old. It references Windows 95 and the Mosaic browser, which was discontinued in 1997.

A computer can work as a telephone, a television, a VCR, a CD player, a typewriter...

Yeah, technology's moved along a bit since then...

ETA: Oh gods, it gets worse. I feel old reading that.

The Web Information page linked to at the bottom is glorious.

[Jonathon]

I hate getting client comments like this on documents I'm working on:

Are we going to label each as did w/slide 13... Trade Position - Male in these notes

First of all, it's basically gibberish. I have no idea what it means or why he wrote it in this strangely telegraphic form. Second, who is he even asking? He's the writer! It's not my job to decide what the content should be—it's his.

[Annie Subjunctive]

I'm starting to enter your world of madness. Except I get the visual side of things. Today I was tasked with re-doing 19 eLearning modules that were built previously by an instructional designer who makes like $125 an hour and he billed it all to himself and burned through the budget before it was done.

So I get the joy of going in and re-working files to look good, which is a lot easier to do from the beginning because then you don't have to change the same tiny things on dozens of identical slides. (Isn't there a master slide function? Why yes, yes there is. And there are five separate masters in there that look basically the same and most of the styling isn't done on them.) And it's mind-blowingly bad. The font, size, and boldness of text in similar boxes will change on every single slide. In some slides everything randomly overlaps itself, and haphazard default colors are just thrown onto things.

Anyway - I'll gladly do it for pay, but why wasn't it billed out to a graphic designer in the first place?

The funny quote I came here to share, though, was a conversation between me and my superior:

Boss: I guess you have to scan it and send it back. But I don't think we have any scanners in here. Do you have an iPhone?
Me: No.
Boss: An Android phone?
Me: A flip phone.
Boss: Do they even still make flip phones?

Turns out the printer was also a scanner. Score one for the 21st century. Still not sure why we're in the digital media department and my timecards are on paper, though.

[Jonathon]

Your boss didn't know that the copiers are also scanners? Also, your timecards are on paper? Weird.

[rivka]

Your boss didn't know that the copiers are also scanners?

Sounds like he didn't know the printer is a multifunction machine.

[Jonathon]

If it's anything like ours, it looks like a big copier but it's also a printer and scanner. So yes, he didn't know that the printer/copier is also a scanner.

I'm just surprised that someone's boss in digital media wouldn't know that.

[BlackBlade]

Your boss didn't know that the copiers are also scanners? Also, your timecards are on paper? Weird.

Seriously.

[rivka]

If it's anything like ours, it looks like a big copier but it's also a printer and scanner. So yes, he didn't know that the printer/copier is also a scanner.

I'm just surprised that someone's boss in digital media wouldn't know that.

I'm not.

Our copier can theoretically also be used as a scanner (and printer), but it lacks the right card and connection. Because of the contract we have, adding them would be quite expensive.

The much smaller machine which sits on my desk is both a printer and a scanner (and a copier, although it's rarely used for that purpose), but is only slightly larger than the printers which sit on my colleagues' desks. When we were shopping around for it, we looked at several models which looked even more like just a printer.

[Annie Subjunctive]

Ours was pretty obvious. To be fair, though, he's rather new and everything he ever does is digital.

I think my timecard is on paper because I'm an on-call employee. But seriously, friends.

[Jonathon]

I'm working on an awful form that is being revised by someone who apparently doesn't know what the form should say. This is how the instructions at the top read on the last iteration:

S&I leaders fill out this report at the end of the term or semester and submit the form to their supervisor. This report should then be taken to each regular results discussion with your supervisor. At the end of the school year, submit the completed form to your supervisor.

So submit it to your supervisor, and then take it to your supervisor, and then submit it to your supervisor. Got it.

Then it was completely rewritten this morning, so it now reads:

S&I leaders complete regular results discussions with their employees at the end of each term. Based on those discussions, supervisors evaluate and record the progress of their program/area on this form. They then submit this form to their supervisor prior to having their regular results discussion with their supervisor.

So now the supervisors (the S&I leaders' supervisor?) fill out the form, and then they submit it to their supervisor, and then they have a discussion with their (the supervisors'?) supervisor.

It's supervisors and regular results discussions all the way down.

[BlackBlade]

Maybe you should ask your supervisor what it means. Clearly it's a document touched by management.

[Jonathon]

Except that my supervisor wouldn't know any more than I do—it's for a different department. But yes, definitely touched by management.

[BlackBlade]

I was just trying to work in one more supervisor into the situation.

[Annie Subjunctive]

Can confirm: am editing training modules for translators. The answer to virtually every "quiz" question is "ask your supervisor."

[dkw]

I wonder what the supervisors' training modules say.

[rivka]

The translators speak to the supervisors, the supervisors speak to the team leaders, and the team leaders speak to God.

[Jonathon]

Writing this principle on the board will help students see its importance.

I never knew teaching was so easy—all you have to do is write stuff on the board, and the students will automatically see its significance all on their own!

[Annie Subjunctive]

Oh heavens.