Author Topic: I hate journalistic writing (Read 100307 times)

Porter · « **Reply #150 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:10:22 PM »

Ass chewing starts fight

(It's about a donkey)

Jonathon · « **Reply #151 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:13:19 PM »

Announcement to all headline writers: you're not nearly as clever as you think you.

pooka · « **Reply #152 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:13:34 PM »

I don't actually hate this, I just couldn't figure where else to put it. Is a peri-apocalyptic novel that practically writes itself, don't you think?

Quote

Since the early 1990s, wildlife refuge managers have maintained a "rat-spill" program -- in which emergency responders prevent the spread of rats from shipwrecks -- similar to oil-spill contingency plans maintained by state and federal agencies.

8:>

Porter · « **Reply #153 on:** October 02, 2007, 12:19:52 PM »

I'm betting on the rats.

Porter · « **Reply #154 on:** October 17, 2007, 03:39:00 PM »

In an article talking about methane from cows, there are these quotes:

Quote

It's a silent but deadly source of greenhouse gases.... But livestock emissions are no joke.

Um, yeah. Sure they they ain't.

Jonathon · « **Reply #155 on:** October 18, 2007, 02:17:13 PM »

I really appreciated this Language Log post, which is in response to some articles today about Neanderthals possessing a so-called speech gene.

Jonathon · « **Reply #156 on:** October 25, 2007, 03:04:41 PM »

Does this article make sense to anyone else? The first sentence is throwing me for a loop. What's the point of removing the fingers? What was the media report that shocked the family? I'll never cease to be amazed at the ability of some journalists to condense a lot of bad writing into a very short story.

Brinestone · « **Reply #157 on:** October 25, 2007, 03:49:01 PM »

Wow. I can't stop laughing at that first sentence. I think I'll go read it again.

rivka · « **Reply #158 on:** October 25, 2007, 05:51:24 PM »

It sounds like they removed the fingers in order to do some sort of identification test(s). Fingerprinting? DNA tests? Tying them in a little cloth bag and seeing whether, when suspended from a string, it rotates clockwise or counterclockwise?

Who knows? The first two shouldn't require amputation.

As far as what shocked the family, I think it was finding out that the tabloid story about their loved one's fingers being cut off was actually true.

But yeah. I burst out laughing at the headline too. That article is suitable for framing.

Jonathon · « **Reply #159 on:** November 01, 2007, 08:20:53 AM »

This is the finest piece of science journalism I've seen outside of The National Enquirer.

Porter · « **Reply #160 on:** November 01, 2007, 08:25:47 AM »

Hey! I can make up stuff too! When do I get published?

Jonathon · « **Reply #161 on:** November 01, 2007, 08:37:58 AM »

BBC News, of course. You just have to hire a publicist first.

Tante Shvester · « **Reply #162 on:** November 01, 2007, 08:48:09 AM »

Oh my! That just cracked me up! Some humans will evolve into squat, ugly goblin-like creatures, while others will have big penises and pert breasts.

My luck, my descendants will be among the saggy breasted, small-dicked, goblins.

Jonathon · « **Reply #163 on:** December 07, 2007, 09:45:05 AM »

"Never so few veterans as now to remember Pearl Harbor Day"

I would imagine this is true every year.

Jonathon · « **Reply #164 on:** January 11, 2008, 10:49:33 PM »

"Horses Spared in U.S. Face Death Across the Border"

I wondered for a second what U.S. face death was.

Tante Shvester · « **Reply #165 on:** January 12, 2008, 06:18:05 PM »

I think it has to do with Botox.

Porter · « **Reply #166 on:** January 12, 2008, 06:34:39 PM »

Well, the law that spared those horses is a stupid law.

rivka · « **Reply #167 on:** January 12, 2008, 08:27:16 PM »

Agreed, Porter.

Jonathon · « **Reply #168 on:** January 22, 2008, 12:00:29 PM »

Punsters should not be allowed to write headlines.

Porter · « **Reply #169 on:** January 22, 2008, 12:06:51 PM »

The other day I saw a book titled "The Fat Burning Bible". For several seconds I tried to figure out why people would want to burn a fat bible.

Does it ever bug anybody else how the word "bible" is used as a synonym for "authoritative guide"?

Jonathon · « **Reply #170 on:** January 22, 2008, 12:08:52 PM »

A well-placed hyphen would have eliminated that misreading.

And I can't say I've ever been bothered by that use of "bible."

Neutros the Radioactive Dragon · « **Reply #171 on:** January 22, 2008, 01:54:13 PM »

Quote

The other day I saw a book titled "The Fat Burning Bible". For several seconds I tried to figure out why people would want to burn a fat bible.

Does it ever bug anybody else how the word "bible" is used as a synonym for "authoritative guide"?

Bible has come to mean the opposite for me.

The other day someone took a piece of information as "Gospel". I replied that the gospels were overrated.

Porter · « **Reply #172 on:** January 22, 2008, 01:59:46 PM »

Even though I know the general usage of the word, I can't help but briefly wonder whether these "bibles" are made up of a bunch of smaller books.

Jonathon · « **Reply #173 on:** January 22, 2008, 02:04:04 PM »

I don't know why a bible would need to be made up of smaller books. That's not its most salient feature, in my opinion.

Porter · « **Reply #174 on:** January 22, 2008, 02:08:59 PM »

I'm not talking about The Bible, I'm talking about the meaning and etymology of the word "bible".